“Who does she think she is…?”

Have you seen the new Victoria Beckham documentary? At the very beginning, when she’s describing her incredible journey from mega pop-star into world famous fashion designer, she says that people were asking “Who does she think she is...?” and it made me think how often this comes up in everyone’s lives. I mean, how often have you said this? How often have you not shown up as your authentic self because in your head you’re thinking that everyone is asking that very question about you?

It’s such a familiar, human fear; that worry of being judged, rejected, or looked down on for daring to step into your power. But here’s what’s fascinating: this isn’t just a modern-day social anxiety thing. It’s hardwired into us.

The Evolution of “Fitting In”

Thousands of years ago, our survival literally depended on being accepted by our tribe. If you were excluded or banished, it wasn’t just embarrassing , it was life-threatening. You’d lose your access to food, shelter, and protection. Your brain learned that exclusion meant danger.

And although our lives have evolved dramatically since then our nervous systems haven’t caught up. The same ancient brain that once kept you safe from tigers and starvation now fires off the same “threat” alarms when someone frowns at your post, ignores your message, or doesn’t approve of your choices.

Your body can’t tell the difference between a genuine physical threat and a social one.
That’s why your heart races before a presentation. Why you second-guess yourself before posting online. Why you tone down your confidence to seem “relatable.”
Your brain is just trying to protect you from being “kicked out of the tribe.”

But the problem is, your ‘tribe’ is much bigger now.
You’re not dependent on one small group of people for survival anymore. You can build your own circle. Your own community. Your own rules.

The Psychology of Being Seen

When you start to stand out, when you speak up, launch something new, or show a part of yourself that others haven’t seen before, your nervous system interprets it as risk.
You’re no longer blending in with the group, and your subconscious mind panics:

“What if they don’t like me?”
“What if I fail publicly?”
“What if I’m not good enough?”

What if people say... “Who does she think she is?”

Psychologists call this social pain, and it’s processed in the same area of the brain as physical pain. That’s how deep it runs.
So when people say, “It doesn’t matter what others think,” they’re technically right, but biologically, your brain disagrees.

The goal isn’t to silence that part of you. The goal is to understand it.
To gently reassure your nervous system that you’re safe now. That being visible isn’t dangerous.

Reprogramming the Tribal Fear

The next time that thought creeps in “Who do you think you are?” pause, and answer it.
Seriously.
Say it out loud, or write it down.

“Who do I think I am?”
I’m someone who’s done the work.
I’m someone who’s learned, grown, and healed.
I’m someone who wants to make an impact.
I’m someone who’s brave enough to step forward, even when it’s uncomfortable.

You see, the people who change the world, or even just their own little corner of it, are always the ones who risk standing out.
And yes, some people might whisper. Some might judge. But those voices are just echoes of that ancient tribal fear trying to keep everyone in line.

Your job isn’t to shrink to fit in. Your job is to expand, to grow, to let go of the fear.

The Reframe

When you understand that the fear of being judged is really just a leftover survival instinct, you stop taking it personally. You stop letting it run the show. You begin to see it as what it is, a signal that you’re on the edge of growth.

So, maybe next time someone says, “Who does she think she is?” you’ll know the answer:
She’s someone evolving beyond her tribe.